Less than a week from today, and Jason and I will celebrate our three year wedding anniversary, which is insane to me. It just doesn’t feel like it’s been that long, already.
Sadly, because Jason has class on April 9th; and spring finals are fast approaching, I am not 100% sure when/how we’re celebrating. Part of me is so sad about this, and part of me knows we’ll get to celebrate…eventually.
It’s been a while since I have shared our married life with “blogworld”, and it may get a tad deeper than you’re used to me posting, but just stay with me [or don’t, whatev] for a minute if you will.
Before Jason and I got married, we had quite a drama filled courtship. I’ll be completely honest and take 80% of the blame. I dated some real a-holes pre-Jason, and was used to games, drama, and all kinds of crap. Jason was the nicest guy I had ever met, and I was a super snob who thought she was better than him. But somehow Jason was the first guy that ever saw me for who I actually was [even though I didn’t know myself all that well yet, at twenty-three [ohhh, but how I thought I did. i digress]], and it took me yearrrrs to appreciate and love him for this.
Truth be told, I give a lot [of myself] to the people around me. A LOT. Though if you’re in my closest inner circle, you may see a side of me that everyone else who I give to, does not. Especially the guy who willingly asked me to be his wife, ya’ll. And that side is the stressed, over-extended, whiny B, “Nikki”. And she isn’t always nice to the ones who deserve kindness from her, the most.
Most of the time while dating, it was about me me me. I was in school and Jason was always there for me. Then while finishing school, and planning our wedding, we actually….got married! And I took a break from school
[that I am still on] and fought often with my new husband.
We almost divorced at five months. People that know us now, and didn’t know us then would never believe it, but it is the truth. I was planning a baby shower, and bridal shower just weeks apart from one another and I was beyond stressed and stretched and was just a nasty person to be around. The fact that I am a yeller when pissed, even if it isn’t directed at one person, I still raise my voice [I tend to raise my voice when I am excitable too, which Gigi thinks is me upset, so clearly I have some work to do!]…doesn’t help when you’re married to someone who is pretty calm, most of the time.
So we almost ended it. We had been dating for three years, and while we knew each other well…we didn’t know each other as well as I thought we did. Jason finally started speaking up, and I had to better listen to my husband and respect his feelings in ways I never had to while we were dating/engaged. We had a ton of growing to do as a couple…
…and somehow we survived and got through it [marriage is work, but I promise you it’s so rewarding when you find the right person to “fight” with], and became closer than ever before.
A week before our one year wedding anniversary, Jason told me he was accepted into not one, but three law schools in Florida! It was very exciting, of course, but our lives were about to change.
After we almost killed on another, we grew closer and because I was no longer in school [and was also unemployed for four months], we spent more time together, and I know I also became more dependent on Jason. So when he went back to school, I became very depressed. I’d come home after work and just not move [which caused me to gain 25lbs], or want to do anything.
I have to say it probably took me a good year to snap out of this funk. Every time the semester would end, J and I would spend all free time together with friends, and one another…and then it would be time for a new semester, and my depression would start all over again. It was an awful cycle…
Before marriage, I was a snotty, too independent know it all. Once married, once I got beyond all that, I was too clingy, and depressed.
But I had to adapt and adjust…eventually. And I did. I started this blog, and made friends. I finally got off my ass and lost a bit of the weight, I gained…and while I am still working on it, I found ME. I started an events business, and while I don’t love the day job, I have done pretty well there, too. I couldn’t have done most of this without my husband. HOWEVER, if he hadn’t decided to go back to school, I don’t know where we would be as a couple. I’d probably be the clingy wife who worried if I was offending my husband, instead of trying to find myself while having such a supportive spouse who wants and needs me to be my own person, too.
We still fight, we always will. We are such opposites, socially. But Jason gets me, man. And I like to think I get him too. And as much as I miss him during the semester, if he hadn’t gone, I am not sure where we’d have made it. I had to learn who I really was while he was away, and I think that has helped to save us, in the end.
I didn’t plan to ramble, but I did, and if you read this novel of a blog post…congratulations! Now, go and give sound advice to someone you know.